Happy Mother's Day!!

Mother's day is Sunday and every year I do this. I am so happy and realize how lucky I truly am!! But it never fails that this day in the year when I should be so happy, so thankful, and just overall have a feeling of being blessed beyond words...I get sad, and my heart hurts.(not just for myself but for others who have lost) I can remember every detail of every pregnancy I have had, and lost. I can remember finding out I was pregnant, 5 times total...of happy days with lots of hope and prayers and knowing that I was going to be a mother. I can remember the panic I had from that first moment I knew something was not right with the 1st pregnancy down to the moment the Dr. said "sorry we do not know why, but it always seems to happen to the nicest families...sorry but you can try again.." and we did try again as soon as we were given permission. I found out I was pregnant and the worry began...I called the Dr.'s office and set up my first appt. and luckily because of my situation they wanted to see me in the next few days for some blood work. I went in got the blood work and that is how we found out that this pregnancy was not right...something was wrong and I was basically told to wait for a miscarriage that it would happen on it's own...so we waited and waited. I hated going to the Dr. I hated blood work that I had to get every other day for weeks...that all pointed to bad things! I couldn't take it anymore I was praying and hoping that things would be get better that things would turn around and that they were wrong...I mean I hadn't had a miscarriage so a miracle could happen, right? Well, the Dr. sat me down and explained everything to me and then told me that if we let it go much longer I would get really sick and could lose my ability to get pregnant at all...and recommended giving me a shot that would help the natural process along. I prayed so hard and couldn't understand it but knew it was what had to happen. So the next day I got the shot and that pregnancy was over...again. My 3rd pregnancy started off very much the same way as the 2nd but this one was different in the fact that the numbers on my blood work did not look bad until later in the first trimester...around the 8th week we found out that the baby was in my fallopian tube and not in the uterus...very dangerous for me and means that the baby would not get what it needs to grow and live. This pregnancy ended at 1:40 am on a operating table...I had to have emergency surgery. That was the hardest one...to know when you go to sleep that you are pregnant and to wake up knowing that your not! We found out through this surgery that my tubes did not work properly and that I could get pregnant easily but it was not getting to the uterus in time...and that it looked like we would never have children of our own. That was a very busy time for us..we had just bought our first house and we were looking into adoption agencies..I WANTED TO BE A MOTHER!! we got a puppy... I went back for my follow up with my dr. and was told to not even try anymore that they all would end up in miscarriage. Well little did he know that God had other plans for us..because I was already pregnant again! I found out a couple days later on my birthday(may 4) and this time there was no happiness, there was no hope...I was mad I was angry! I called the Dr. and they wanted to do blood work to make sure it was not something left from the surgery and last pregnancy. I said no! I could not bear another one so close and I think I just wanted to act like I was not pregnant and it would go away on its own like the others. Warren was graduating from David Lipscomb that weekend (may 7th) and I had planned a week long trip to Savannah, Ga..for us to just get away from it all...I was so proud of all the hard work he had done to graduated with a double major and still take care of us! I was so sick all that week...When I got home I had a Dr. appt. and the first part of it was blood work and then I would wait a hour and come back to know if it was a viable pregnancy or not! Talk about one long hour...luckily Warren was working in Nashville at the time and I called and asked if he could come I was nervous and scared and needed him with me for the bad news I knew was coming my way. That was one of the happiest days of my life...happiest,but still scary. My numbers looked great, they wanted to do a ultrasound..and I saw my baby for the first time, but there was no heartbeat..and there should have been. They told me to come back in a week and maybe my numbers were just a little off from the other pregnancy being so close and if there is not a heartbeat next week then there was nothing they could do..but if there was one then I was having a baby!!! That week lasted a lifetime...but nine months later..(a whole year to the day of the 1st miscarriage) Tyler Neil was born a 8lbs2oz bouncing baby boy! I am very blessed to be the mother of 2 great kids...and 3 waiting for me in heaven. Not a day goes by that I do not think about them and miss them. Mother's day is a very special day and I want to take the time to remember all the mother's that have lost a child...say a special prayer for all of those mother's that you know that are hurting on this special day!!! Happy Mother's day!!!!