Warning...she is about to blow!!!!

I am usually not a debbie downer...or a negative nancy....and this post really isn't negative just more ventfull!!! is that a word?? anywho...I digress I love this one aspect of my life, sure it is hard, sure there are days that I want to quit, that I want to fight and scream back and say "really, anyone can find the negative with something how about you try to say something nice for a change.." or " well if we are making a list of things wrong with (this that shall remain nameless) lets start with you and how much better it could be with out you..." or my all time favorite and one I am so afraid of blurting out when I get to my breaking point.." I know everything you have said, I know everything you have done, and every way you have tried to make me fail, every way you have lied, every way you have manipulated the situation to make us all look bad when in reality it was your mistake not ours...." the list could on and on. How does one stay positive with constant negative thoughts, actions, and seems like constant one upence or for lack of a better term constant only finding the bad never finding the good, or having a kind word to say about or to that person. I am trying, I am praying, I am asking God to come into my heart and help me with me, help me to show love and love and more love. I refuse to sit back and just nod my head or say "yes -----" whatever you say and do it anymore...I am at my wits ends. In everything I do I could use improvement I am not a perfect person, never claimed to be! but no matter how much I try with this one situation, or don't try, or stand up for myself, or bite a hole in my tongue because I am trying to not say something for being afraid I would say to much, or get everything done perfect, or not perfect but still done....it is never good enough. I get talked about, blasted if you will, and some if it is just not true! and it hurts, and it makes me feel inadequate and my buttons get pushed, and really I could on and on but I won't! I refuse to give this any more of time or attention today! I am going to figure it out, I am going to love and be loved and stop worrying or seeking approval that won't be there, and learn that I truly am the one in charge of my own piece of the world and I can make it be as good as I need!!