It has been a very long time since I have blogged. Almost a year, and what a year it has been. So much has happened. I feel like this last year has went in slow motion and fast forward all at once. There is so much to catch up on, I don't know where to begin?
From my first post till now I have loved to blog. I love the therapy of it, I love to look back and see where I have grown or where I still need some work. I can look back and see how much my children have accomplished or how sweet they were ( come on now they are pre-teens there is nothing sweet about that...haha) or some of our fun, and how crazy our life can be sometimes.
Tyler and Emily Klair are now 12 yrs and 10 yrs old. I know I know, crazy town isn't it!!! When did I get old enough to have kids that age? They were just in diapers yesterday, right? They are both great kids and I need to do an update post on each of them, and I will soon.
I am rambling, I do that when I get nervous. I shouldn't be nervous this is a blog. It is my blog I can say what I want, tell how I am feeling, write down my inner most thoughts....Hear me when I say this I am nervous!! I am scared!! I am angry!! I am sad!! I am frustrated!! I am positive!! I am happy!! I am appreciative!! I am ?? I don't know what I am? NUMB maybe?? Shocked?? Confused?? Struggling?? overwhelmed?? I AM ALL OF THESE THINGS and more!
I put a smile on my face and I try to say positive things. I try to tell myself it is all going to be ok. I remind myself that God is in control. I have faith and I know he is bigger then any problem we face. He knows all our struggles, our sins and even our fears. I tell my children these things, and I believe that all of this is true. Here is where I am going to get real for a minute. I do believe these things to be true, BUT I would be lying to myself if I didn't also say that right now my inner core of faith is shaken. I know what you are thinking how can I even say that? I have seen God work in so many ways in my own life and others. I can say that because right now my heart is breaking. I have every emotion you can have running through me. I am human. I am struggling to wrap my brain around everything.
I really wanted this first post back to be positive. Full of encouragement, and I sat down with that intention. Please understand that this post was written by someone who loves their whole family very much, someone who aches when they ache, someone who is scared for the future, someone who feels helpless, and someone who would take it all away if she could. I pray that tomorrow brings a more positive attitude, but for tonight this is me.
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