The kids and I just got back from a wonderful week on the mountain. This yr I was very hesitate to go back to camp, and if I am being honest here I probably should not have went. I did however go and for the most part had a wonderful time.
Short Mountain Bible camp holds a very special place in my heart. Lots and I do mean lots of wonderful memories made there. I met my hubby on that mountain, when we were only 15, bless his heart! He has had to put up with me for a very long time... funny story about that is, Andrea went a year before I did to this camp, and when she came home she said " Kari I met this guy that was hilarious, he reminded me of you, I think you would of loved him...maybe you will meet him one day because you two would be great friends.." NO JOKE!! She called it, even way back then she knew me better then I knew me.
My children are both campers now, and the memories made are just as sweet as ever. I have had some great girls go through my classes and cabin up there and love to watch them come back as staff the following years and see what God is doing in their lives.
I say I probably should not have been there this year, because lets be honest for a min, I was in no shape to be there. Physically or mentally, I did nothing for those girls this year but take up a spot in a cabin, or on a bench, or a chair in worship. Tuesday night we had a lesson that touched me, and surprised even me. The reaction I had was overwhelming, and I had to finally be honest with myself.
I am struggling with my faith more then I would like to admit. My heart knows the love of my God, it knows the promises, the hope I have through Jesus's blood, and the truth of all that is written in His word BUT my head is questioning everything! I mean everything I have always just known to be true, everything I have longed for, everything I believed and had faith in. I am not closing any doors, I am not stopping studying, nor am I giving up!! I am however changed and see things differently, everything about my life is different. I am not running out to find a new church home, or new religion, I am just struggling plan and simply but my heart still knows all the hope, all the promises, and truths but my head says wait a min are you sure about this???
It will work itself out, right? My head will once again be in sync with my heart, right?
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2 comments:
Kari,
I can honestly say that this post really hits home for me. In my heart I know and believe,but my head has questions.
Dianne,
This was a very hard post for me, bc I have never questioned as much as I have here lately. Hope you are well, we still need to catch up!!
Kari
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