Thursday, April 24, 2014

How do I say this....

I have found myself asking this question a lot lately... "How do I say this" without sounding ugly, or sounding like I don't care, or without making them think I am really this mean... And the list could go on and on.

Let me start off by saying this, since everything that has went on this yr, my surgery included, I am one  grouchy, short tempered, no filter, mean, and really could careless type of person right now. I try hard not to be, I wake up and say today I am going to be positive! I am going to have nicer things to say and think, and everyday I fail. And fail miserably!!!

I am now allowed to get up and walk so maybe this will help my attitude a bit, maybe I will get back to my old self, soon. I hope so!!! I don't even like this person I have become.

There are lots of things I have learned going through this process, and maybe I will be able to write a post on that here soon....but one of the first things I have learned is this: EVERYONE grieves differently.. There is NO right or wrong way,  there is no time limit.... Simple put there are NO RULES!!

I heard something tonight that made me think , Someone said, how do you learn to live again with a broken heart, a piece missing?   And I immediately thought.. How do I say this, shout this, convey this to the world? Because it summed me up to a tee.... So I am saying it in the only way I know how right now and that is on here. Writing was such a big thing for my sister and for me, so I'm writing it straight out, putting it all out there... Give me some time, let me learn how to navigate this new world with my broken heart, let me get myself figured out because right now I am just here, going through the motions. Be patient with me. Understand, when I'm quiet it's ok, understand when I'm by myself it's ok, understand I am still here just different and forever changed..know that if I snap at you, I truly don't mean it. If I forget something important I normally remember about you, I'm sorry. I'll remember again, someday. Don't take anything to personal from me right now, I don't mean it, negatively.. Just having to remind myself over and over "how do I say this..."

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