butterflies and bullfrogs....

My children differ in more ways then just their gender.

Tyler doesn't like chocolate candy...Emily Klair loves it!!

Tyler loves sports...Emily Klair enjoys them but could live without them!!

Tyler is soo not a dare-devil...Emily Klair seems to have no fear!!

Tyler is very independent....Emily Klair not so much..she needs us much more!!

Tyler school comes very easy to him....Emily Klair not so much!!

The list could go on and on!!

Even though for the most part they are as different as butterflies and bullfrogs..they are still my beautiful, tenderhearted, sweet, kind, loving, best kiddos in the world and I am soo proud of them!!

*another difference..Tyler wants his hair longer and EK keeps going shorter....I will have to get more updated pics on here...EK's hair is above her shoulders now and Ty 's is still long but did get a good haircut we can now see his ears again..but for the most part it is still long...again different in soo many ways!!

remember when 4...

As we walked into the NICU, I saw a nurse walking around carrying a baby, she was in the very back of the room. I turned to Warren and said there is my baby, he replied with no that is not Tyler that baby has an IV in his head and Tyler's was in his foot yesterday. I then replied with I don't care about that I know that is my baby, and it was. I had only held him for about 5 minutes 3 days ago and it was not perfect and it was certainly not what I had imagined and dreamed of but it was more then enough time to immediately know my child from across a room full of babies...I don't even try to explain it, I don't even try to take credit for it all I know is I knew that was Tyler and nothing was going to stop me from being there with him for anything and everything from here on out! I could not get to him fast enough!!! So all week long I had heard my whole family talk about how nice the nurses were how sweet the staff in the NICU was, how great they had been about leaving them alone and just letting them sit and rock and hold Tyler. Well, I get to the nurse holding my baby and she is nice and offers me my child, I go to sit down and rock him, and that is when she starts, she proceeds to tell me how to check his temperature, how to feed him, tells me I must show her I can change a diaper, on and on she went. I know I was looking at her like she had three heads, I mean really lady leave me alone let me get to know my baby. Finally Warren nicely tells her we have time for all of this but that I had not gotten to see him or be with him more then 5 minutes and she finally leaves us alone. I lost it, I looked around the room and saw some very tiny very sick babies, and it broke my heart. I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't pull it together. Soon after my break down they came to get him for his big test and we were banished to the waiting room. The wait was unbearable, I remember sitting there not talking and not joining in on the conversations, just staring or crying, I am sure people thought I was crazy...what can I say I was! I went into the hallway at one time to get some air and move around a little and another mother of a baby in the NICU came up to me, hugged me and told me that her baby had been in there for 5 weeks and it never got any easier to see them all hooked up to tubes and monitors and to hang in there, we also talked about other things that I will keep just between us. It was the sweetest kindest thing and exactly what I needed at the time. Finally someone who understood what I was going through. You see I hadn't told anyone that I was feeling ashamed, guilty, and selfish, I hated my baby being there but I hated even more that I had not had a perfect baby. I know now that it was ok to kinda go through a mourning period and feel all of these emotions but then I just thought of myself as a horrible human being. The time came for the Dr. to tell us what the test had shown and it was great news, he did not need a shunt, he was still moving his arms and legs, and other then missing his L3 and L4 vertebrae, having a small "track" of fibrous tissue that would have to be removed around 8 months old, he had a great chance at a very normal life. On top of that great news he was free to go home with me that day!! He still struggles with things from his spina bidifa occulta, like leg cramps, and having too tight of muscles, having scoliosis, and there is still a very small chance that his piece of "track" that the Dr. couldn't get to in his surgery could get caught on his missing vertebrae and tether his spinal cord paralyzing him, but we know that he is headed for great things.....his story is still unfolding...

remember when 3...

I was sitting in the bed waiting on the Dr. to make rounds the next morning. I was alone, mom had left she had to go to work that day, and I was ready to leave. The Dr. walked in and told me that I could not go. I was devastated, he told me I was in bad shape myself and needed to be monitored here at the hospital. After he left, a nurse came in (pretty much right after he left) and gave me some medicine...lets just say they kept me really drugged up for that whole day. I thank the Dr. for that now..because the next 2 days were hard enough waiting around and wondering about my baby.. Tyler had test after test run, they had put him to sleep a couple times to test him, Warren was with him as much as he could be. Warren got to feed him first, got to change his diapers, got to just sit and rock him, bond with him. On top of every other emotion I had I was jealous, I felt forgotten, I felt disconnected to my husband and to my baby. I did not know everything that was going on and did not know how the NICU was run, I did not realize that Warren and those that were there could only be in the room with Tyler a certain amount of time, and that they had to sit in a waiting room just waiting for the next time to get to see him. I think it was the second day he was in the NICU he was scheduled for a test that day, where they had to put him to sleep, and I was soo unconnected with what was going on, I called Warren that morning on his cell phone, wanting to know how it was going and what the Dr.'s were saying. That would have been fine if it had been 10:00 am, but it was 6:00 am and Warren was still in bed, he was exhausted, taking care of the stuff at Vandy with Tyler then stopping by to see me and let me know how the day had went. He was running on empty to say the least. Him still being in bed and not getting ready to get to the hospital made me furious, I was crazy, I did not understand how he could not be ready already and on his way there...in my defense, I was out of touch with what it was like for him, I was jealous, I was mad at the world, and really I just was hormonal and crazy with the what if's! Finally, the day came that the "BIG" test was going to be performed, they were going to see if he needed a shunt put into his head for spinal fluid build up, I was determined to be at the hospital with him for that. So that morning I was up showered and dressed waiting on the Dr. to make his rounds and informed him I would be discharged that morning so I could be there for my son. Boy I must have been very convincing because he let me go....(convincing or pitiful?? I like to think convincing) Warren came and we were going to go to Vandy together. First off I wanted to get to the hospital to see my baby, what I did not think about was how just being discharged would affect me. They bring the wheelchair into the room and Warren left to pull the car around, as I am being wheeled down the hall, it hit me, I had no baby in my arms, nothing but my bag. To say I lost it is a complete understatement...the poor girl wheeling me out didn't know what to do, or say, looking back I feel more sorry for her..she had to put up with me..hahaha! So off to Vandy we went....That was one of the longest hours of my life, we get to the hospital and it was like I was walking in slow motion, the elevators were conspiring against me I know they were, and then we get to the NICU. I was not quite prepared for it. Warren showed me how to use the phone in the hall to call and ask if we could come in and see Tyler, then get a gown on and then how to wash our hands and then ask again to be allowed in. This last day of our story is a good one so I am going to end it here...with me walking into the NICU for the first time and seeing my son for the first time in 3 days....

jump rope video..

ok so my video is not cooperating so if you click on this http://bamaboog.blogspot.com that should take you to one of our friends and Tyler's good friend Dawson's mom's blog..whew that was a mouth full I know..anywho friends of ours that got some good highlights of all the performances...Tyler is in some if it...bouncy hair...hope you enjoy!! it is quite fun to watch them..they are pretty talented at this jumping rope stuff!!

remember when 2.....

Lets see where did I leave off, oh yeah I was just getting back from the operating room and the nurses were there..one was checking my temperature, one was readjusting my blood pressure cuff, and two were in the corner of the room talking to each other..I couldn't clearly hear what they were saying but I knew it was about me,and my baby. I asked where is my baby and husband, and they replied "you are going to be just fine, you did great back there."...hmm thank you very much but I asked about my baby not me??? I was about to say this outloud when Warren walked in...lets just say if he had let off a stink bomb those nurses would not have left any faster, closing the door behind them. At this point I must back up and tell you about something that happened on the way to the hospital that morning...I took Warren's hand in the car and said in a very serious tone " If you have to choose me or the baby..pick the baby...if it is life and death, or something like leaving me because he has to be taken somewhere, whatever it is choose the baby, I will be fine." not sure why I did it we were not expecting there to be a problem, but I said it and I meant it!!! Warren walks over to my bed and holds my hand, ask me how I am doing, and then proceeds to tell me that Tyler has a small hole in his back and that they are wanting to transfer him to the NICU at Vanderbilt, by ambulance, he says that he may never walk, he may not have the use of anything from the neck down, but that right now he is moving away in the nursery because they have him all wrapped in gauze (he didn't like it all over him), because some spina bidifa babies are allergic to latex..and they need to cover the hole up in case it is leaking spinal fluid. He then went on to tell me about some of the test and things that were going to be happening when the pediatrician came in,followed by my doctor. I can honestly say that I do not remember much about what they said...and I have a couple theories on that....one I was soo drugged up, I could barely keep my eyes open, two the first thing they said was just because he is moving his arm and legs now does not mean that he will continue to...at that point all I remember is squeezing Warrens hand and crying uncontrollably,and closing my eyes. I still had not held him yet, I still had not even touched him yet. I wanted my baby, I was exhausted, wore out, and in pain...and I wanted my baby! I was moved to a regular room and was told that the ambulance was there to get him, I still had not held him. I asked to hold him, to see him, to smell him, to love on him. I kept getting the answer "in a minute he is still being checked out." They wheeled him into the room in the incubator that he was to travel to Vanderbilt in and they placed him in my arms...and I was over come with emotions. I cried, and cried, I tried to look at him, soak him in, love him, I wanted to see him move, I wanted to see those big brown (his eyes were never blue..he came out with the prettiest brown eyes ever!) eyes that had looked at me over that curtain, but all I could do was cry and say over and over I am sorry I did this too you, I am sorry I did this too you, I am sorry I did this too you, over and over. I got to hold him..umm all of about 5 minutes with everyone looking at and watching me including the ambulance drivers..still wish I had sent everyone out of the room and had I been in a better less drugged state of mind I would have! Because the first moment I got to hold my son was not perfect, was no where close to perfect...it was rushed, sad, and not a tender moment like I had planned and desperately waited for. They took him from me, and left for a hospital an hour away. Warren's parents left and followed the ambulance up there, my dad left to take my siblings home because it was so late, my sister was driving Warren up to Vandy(she had taken a day off college..and had to be back at TN Tech early the next morning...remember this is after midnight by now)...my mom wanted to go with them...but I lost it when they took him and everyone left to watch him be put in the ambulance...and for the first time in a long time all I wanted was my mommy!!! So she stayed behind to help me, I don't think she will ever know how much that meant to me. I think that night I was awake more then asleep even though I was very drugged up, they kept giving me pain medicine but I was determined to get up and moving, because the faster I could get up the faster they would let me go so I could go be with my baby and be there during all those test, and in case he needed surgery, I just wanted to be with my baby. This is really a long story..and I hate to rush it, so I think I will close with me getting up and walking before I needed to, and sitting up waiting on my dr. to make rounds that next morning so I could beg him to let me go....

remember when.....

Tyler is doing speech for Lads 2 Leaders, and he has decided he wants to talk about his birth story. I told him that would be a great idea, the theme for this years convention is Faith is the Victory ...Hebrews. I am loving that he choose this topic because it has given me a real opportunity to "remember when" that day was such a blur to me, and in all honesty I do not think that I let myself remember everything about that day. Since working on this speech I feel all the emotions of that day just like it happened yesterday. So I thought I would blog about that day, if for nothing else just to help me "remember when"... First off, Tyler was such a blessing in more ways then you can even imagine. After losing 3 babies in one year, we were told we probably could not have children of our own. I was devastated all I have ever wanted is to be a mother...my senior prophecy in high school was that I would be a mother of 8 children!! can you imagine 8??? haha...shhh don't tell anyone but I so would love to have more... So needless to say that finding out we were pregnant with Tyler was not exactly a good thing..I knew I could never carry a baby to full term, I was angry,scared, and really confused on why God would allow me to go through another heartbreaking loss. As the pregnancy progressed it became a real possibility that Warren and I were going to be parents...we were thrilled, scared to death but THRILLED beyond measure. So the day finally came that he was to be born..January 16 I was to be induced... We were told to be at the hospital by 6 am..we arrive and get all checked in, we were all settled in and ready to get the show on the road. By noon I was in pain, ready for my epidural, but everything was going as planned. Family and friends were there and (after the epidural :) ) it was like having a party. Well, by 9 that night I had not progressed as the dr. would of liked, so they told me that Tyler was turned face up and as he came down he turned his head...he was stuck ...so he suggested a c-section...I begged him please no...so he told me the nurses would turn me from side to side for 15 minutes and he would come back to see where we were...well that went on for another 45 minutes until he finally told me..its time to have this baby. By this time I was exhausted!! and just ready to have my Tyler..so off to the operating room we went..I must put a WARNING on this next part..not that I plan on getting graphic but this is the part of the story where it begins to get intense...and did not go near as we had planned!!! I started having a hard time breathing almost immediately after they upped my epidural, it was scary...but I tried to stay as calm as I could. They finally bring Warren into the room and he sat by my head, he was great,he kept me calm. The dr. pinches my stomach and I just about jump off the table..I felt it?? wait I have an epidural how did I feel it?? well, they are not sure but they tell me hang in there let them get the baby out and they will give me something as soon as the baby is out. What?? you mean I am going to feel this?? YES...I felt it all...cold tools, everything..Warren is the only reason i stayed as calm as I did....he was my rock!! I remember praying with him..I remember him telling me it is almost over...that I was doing great..him rubbing my hair and face telling me to breathe and to know if he could do it for me he would. Now this is the part of the story that him and I defer on...haha I know right! I remember them showing me Tyler over the curtain..and my first thought was he looked like my papaw that had passed away...and it made me smile...then I was asleep..they gave me some good stuff!! oh the relief I can not even explain. Warren watched them clean him up and hand him over to him..he says he walked to me and that I talked to him and Tyler...I don't remember that part, in fact I don't remember anything till I am back in a room, and Warren walks in WITHOUT Tyler!! I know this post is long and if you are still reading..thank you..I am not going to finish the story today but I will leave you with the intro to Tyler's speech..remember this part has been told to me, I did not live this part you see I was still out cold in the operating room... The dad beamed with pride as he carried his new born son out of the operating room and into the hallway to meet his family for the first time. After grandparents, aunts and uncles got a good look at the little one and pictures had been taken the dad took the baby to the hospital nursery to get weighed and cleaned up the family looked through the nursery windows and watched the nurses start to clean the baby up and then they did something very strange they closed the shades on the window so that no one could see in. The family thought that was odd but did not really think much about it, until the Dr. came around the corner and asked to speak to the father. The dr. lead the father to a small room where he sat him down and told him that the baby was to be transferred by ambulance to the NICU at a bigger hospital about an hour down the road. The Dr. went on to say that the new baby had a small hole in his back and that he would need more testing done, the Dr. also said that they were afraid the baby had spina bifida and that he was going to paralyzed and in a wheel chair if not completely bed ridden. The father thought to himself how did this day that had started out so joyous and happy suddenly turn into a night full of questions and worries? Even though the young father was scared for his new baby, he was positive that his son would be ok, he knew that no matter what he loved his son, he had faith that everything would be ok, and he was very thankful to God for this blessing. to be continued....

Snow daze...a little bit of this and a little bit of that...

Well the kiddos are out of school again tomorrow. As of tomorrow we have used all of our snow days for this year. This is the most snow I have seen in one winter since we have lived in TN. It is beautiful and the kids are enjoying it. I have enjoyed it but must admit that I am ready for spring...ready for warmer temperatures...sunny days....being able to have my windows open...everything that comes along with spring..even a good loud thunder storm...bring it on I am ready!!! EK has decided she is not going to play soccer or softball this spring she has decided she is going to try gymnastics!! so tomorrow is her first class...she is so excited!! She keeps reminding me that she needs to be there by 4:30!! She is sooo ready for class, I am excited to see how she likes it. Hopefully I will have pictures to post soon... Well we have had a very busy weekend and the guru did not have time to look at the jump rope video (hopefully this week)...we have been helping my sister and her husband paint and pull off boarder in their new house...they have painted every room in the new house...it was a big job but I must admit it looks really good!! I am having a blast and lots of fun with the kiddos during these snow days but I am beginning to feel a little snow dazed!!!! Bring on the sun, and the warmth!!