Picture updates!!

These last few weeks have been a whirlwind...from church camp, to the birth of my new precious nephew, to just getting into a new summer routine.

I have really enjoyed getting to spend some fun time with my nieces during these past two weeks...

They are both sweethearts and cute as all get out!! here are some of the pictures I took of us playing and having a great time in the sun at Granny's house in her pool....

Prayers...

My family is no stranger to the power of prayer. From the first time I really realized how prayer works when I was 13 and my lil brother was so sick and needed a surgery that had never been performed before to the birth of my son and then with EK and her seizures, to the birth of my beautiful nieces...to this last year and the journey we all went on with my dad. Prayer works and right now I am praying hard that this surgery goes well with my sweet nephew today. I am praying that God gives Jamie and Andrea peace that only he can. I am praying for the girls who are doing great but who do miss their mommy and daddy. I am praying for all of us to give them the love and support so that they don't even realize how long it has been since they have been at home and on some sort of routine.Yesterday was a fun day for the girls we went swimming and had a fun day in the sun...they are both sweethearts and I love them like crazy!! Today I would like for all that read this to join me in prayers on behalf of the Spears family...esp for Baby Anderson and his surgery today!! I have some great pictures to post of yesterday....so fingers crossed I can get them up and on here sometime today!

butterflies and bullfrogs....

My children differ in more ways then just their gender.

Tyler doesn't like chocolate candy...Emily Klair loves it!!

Tyler loves sports...Emily Klair enjoys them but could live without them!!

Tyler is soo not a dare-devil...Emily Klair seems to have no fear!!

Tyler is very independent....Emily Klair not so much..she needs us much more!!

Tyler school comes very easy to him....Emily Klair not so much!!

The list could go on and on!!

Even though for the most part they are as different as butterflies and bullfrogs..they are still my beautiful, tenderhearted, sweet, kind, loving, best kiddos in the world and I am soo proud of them!!

*another difference..Tyler wants his hair longer and EK keeps going shorter....I will have to get more updated pics on here...EK's hair is above her shoulders now and Ty 's is still long but did get a good haircut we can now see his ears again..but for the most part it is still long...again different in soo many ways!!

remember when 4...

As we walked into the NICU, I saw a nurse walking around carrying a baby, she was in the very back of the room. I turned to Warren and said there is my baby, he replied with no that is not Tyler that baby has an IV in his head and Tyler's was in his foot yesterday. I then replied with I don't care about that I know that is my baby, and it was. I had only held him for about 5 minutes 3 days ago and it was not perfect and it was certainly not what I had imagined and dreamed of but it was more then enough time to immediately know my child from across a room full of babies...I don't even try to explain it, I don't even try to take credit for it all I know is I knew that was Tyler and nothing was going to stop me from being there with him for anything and everything from here on out! I could not get to him fast enough!!! So all week long I had heard my whole family talk about how nice the nurses were how sweet the staff in the NICU was, how great they had been about leaving them alone and just letting them sit and rock and hold Tyler. Well, I get to the nurse holding my baby and she is nice and offers me my child, I go to sit down and rock him, and that is when she starts, she proceeds to tell me how to check his temperature, how to feed him, tells me I must show her I can change a diaper, on and on she went. I know I was looking at her like she had three heads, I mean really lady leave me alone let me get to know my baby. Finally Warren nicely tells her we have time for all of this but that I had not gotten to see him or be with him more then 5 minutes and she finally leaves us alone. I lost it, I looked around the room and saw some very tiny very sick babies, and it broke my heart. I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't pull it together. Soon after my break down they came to get him for his big test and we were banished to the waiting room. The wait was unbearable, I remember sitting there not talking and not joining in on the conversations, just staring or crying, I am sure people thought I was crazy...what can I say I was! I went into the hallway at one time to get some air and move around a little and another mother of a baby in the NICU came up to me, hugged me and told me that her baby had been in there for 5 weeks and it never got any easier to see them all hooked up to tubes and monitors and to hang in there, we also talked about other things that I will keep just between us. It was the sweetest kindest thing and exactly what I needed at the time. Finally someone who understood what I was going through. You see I hadn't told anyone that I was feeling ashamed, guilty, and selfish, I hated my baby being there but I hated even more that I had not had a perfect baby. I know now that it was ok to kinda go through a mourning period and feel all of these emotions but then I just thought of myself as a horrible human being. The time came for the Dr. to tell us what the test had shown and it was great news, he did not need a shunt, he was still moving his arms and legs, and other then missing his L3 and L4 vertebrae, having a small "track" of fibrous tissue that would have to be removed around 8 months old, he had a great chance at a very normal life. On top of that great news he was free to go home with me that day!! He still struggles with things from his spina bidifa occulta, like leg cramps, and having too tight of muscles, having scoliosis, and there is still a very small chance that his piece of "track" that the Dr. couldn't get to in his surgery could get caught on his missing vertebrae and tether his spinal cord paralyzing him, but we know that he is headed for great things.....his story is still unfolding...

remember when 3...

I was sitting in the bed waiting on the Dr. to make rounds the next morning. I was alone, mom had left she had to go to work that day, and I was ready to leave. The Dr. walked in and told me that I could not go. I was devastated, he told me I was in bad shape myself and needed to be monitored here at the hospital. After he left, a nurse came in (pretty much right after he left) and gave me some medicine...lets just say they kept me really drugged up for that whole day. I thank the Dr. for that now..because the next 2 days were hard enough waiting around and wondering about my baby.. Tyler had test after test run, they had put him to sleep a couple times to test him, Warren was with him as much as he could be. Warren got to feed him first, got to change his diapers, got to just sit and rock him, bond with him. On top of every other emotion I had I was jealous, I felt forgotten, I felt disconnected to my husband and to my baby. I did not know everything that was going on and did not know how the NICU was run, I did not realize that Warren and those that were there could only be in the room with Tyler a certain amount of time, and that they had to sit in a waiting room just waiting for the next time to get to see him. I think it was the second day he was in the NICU he was scheduled for a test that day, where they had to put him to sleep, and I was soo unconnected with what was going on, I called Warren that morning on his cell phone, wanting to know how it was going and what the Dr.'s were saying. That would have been fine if it had been 10:00 am, but it was 6:00 am and Warren was still in bed, he was exhausted, taking care of the stuff at Vandy with Tyler then stopping by to see me and let me know how the day had went. He was running on empty to say the least. Him still being in bed and not getting ready to get to the hospital made me furious, I was crazy, I did not understand how he could not be ready already and on his way there...in my defense, I was out of touch with what it was like for him, I was jealous, I was mad at the world, and really I just was hormonal and crazy with the what if's! Finally, the day came that the "BIG" test was going to be performed, they were going to see if he needed a shunt put into his head for spinal fluid build up, I was determined to be at the hospital with him for that. So that morning I was up showered and dressed waiting on the Dr. to make his rounds and informed him I would be discharged that morning so I could be there for my son. Boy I must have been very convincing because he let me go....(convincing or pitiful?? I like to think convincing) Warren came and we were going to go to Vandy together. First off I wanted to get to the hospital to see my baby, what I did not think about was how just being discharged would affect me. They bring the wheelchair into the room and Warren left to pull the car around, as I am being wheeled down the hall, it hit me, I had no baby in my arms, nothing but my bag. To say I lost it is a complete understatement...the poor girl wheeling me out didn't know what to do, or say, looking back I feel more sorry for her..she had to put up with me..hahaha! So off to Vandy we went....That was one of the longest hours of my life, we get to the hospital and it was like I was walking in slow motion, the elevators were conspiring against me I know they were, and then we get to the NICU. I was not quite prepared for it. Warren showed me how to use the phone in the hall to call and ask if we could come in and see Tyler, then get a gown on and then how to wash our hands and then ask again to be allowed in. This last day of our story is a good one so I am going to end it here...with me walking into the NICU for the first time and seeing my son for the first time in 3 days....

jump rope video..

ok so my video is not cooperating so if you click on this http://bamaboog.blogspot.com that should take you to one of our friends and Tyler's good friend Dawson's mom's blog..whew that was a mouth full I know..anywho friends of ours that got some good highlights of all the performances...Tyler is in some if it...bouncy hair...hope you enjoy!! it is quite fun to watch them..they are pretty talented at this jumping rope stuff!!

remember when 2.....

Lets see where did I leave off, oh yeah I was just getting back from the operating room and the nurses were there..one was checking my temperature, one was readjusting my blood pressure cuff, and two were in the corner of the room talking to each other..I couldn't clearly hear what they were saying but I knew it was about me,and my baby. I asked where is my baby and husband, and they replied "you are going to be just fine, you did great back there."...hmm thank you very much but I asked about my baby not me??? I was about to say this outloud when Warren walked in...lets just say if he had let off a stink bomb those nurses would not have left any faster, closing the door behind them. At this point I must back up and tell you about something that happened on the way to the hospital that morning...I took Warren's hand in the car and said in a very serious tone " If you have to choose me or the baby..pick the baby...if it is life and death, or something like leaving me because he has to be taken somewhere, whatever it is choose the baby, I will be fine." not sure why I did it we were not expecting there to be a problem, but I said it and I meant it!!! Warren walks over to my bed and holds my hand, ask me how I am doing, and then proceeds to tell me that Tyler has a small hole in his back and that they are wanting to transfer him to the NICU at Vanderbilt, by ambulance, he says that he may never walk, he may not have the use of anything from the neck down, but that right now he is moving away in the nursery because they have him all wrapped in gauze (he didn't like it all over him), because some spina bidifa babies are allergic to latex..and they need to cover the hole up in case it is leaking spinal fluid. He then went on to tell me about some of the test and things that were going to be happening when the pediatrician came in,followed by my doctor. I can honestly say that I do not remember much about what they said...and I have a couple theories on that....one I was soo drugged up, I could barely keep my eyes open, two the first thing they said was just because he is moving his arm and legs now does not mean that he will continue to...at that point all I remember is squeezing Warrens hand and crying uncontrollably,and closing my eyes. I still had not held him yet, I still had not even touched him yet. I wanted my baby, I was exhausted, wore out, and in pain...and I wanted my baby! I was moved to a regular room and was told that the ambulance was there to get him, I still had not held him. I asked to hold him, to see him, to smell him, to love on him. I kept getting the answer "in a minute he is still being checked out." They wheeled him into the room in the incubator that he was to travel to Vanderbilt in and they placed him in my arms...and I was over come with emotions. I cried, and cried, I tried to look at him, soak him in, love him, I wanted to see him move, I wanted to see those big brown (his eyes were never blue..he came out with the prettiest brown eyes ever!) eyes that had looked at me over that curtain, but all I could do was cry and say over and over I am sorry I did this too you, I am sorry I did this too you, I am sorry I did this too you, over and over. I got to hold him..umm all of about 5 minutes with everyone looking at and watching me including the ambulance drivers..still wish I had sent everyone out of the room and had I been in a better less drugged state of mind I would have! Because the first moment I got to hold my son was not perfect, was no where close to perfect...it was rushed, sad, and not a tender moment like I had planned and desperately waited for. They took him from me, and left for a hospital an hour away. Warren's parents left and followed the ambulance up there, my dad left to take my siblings home because it was so late, my sister was driving Warren up to Vandy(she had taken a day off college..and had to be back at TN Tech early the next morning...remember this is after midnight by now)...my mom wanted to go with them...but I lost it when they took him and everyone left to watch him be put in the ambulance...and for the first time in a long time all I wanted was my mommy!!! So she stayed behind to help me, I don't think she will ever know how much that meant to me. I think that night I was awake more then asleep even though I was very drugged up, they kept giving me pain medicine but I was determined to get up and moving, because the faster I could get up the faster they would let me go so I could go be with my baby and be there during all those test, and in case he needed surgery, I just wanted to be with my baby. This is really a long story..and I hate to rush it, so I think I will close with me getting up and walking before I needed to, and sitting up waiting on my dr. to make rounds that next morning so I could beg him to let me go....